Faith Is Part Of My Programming
by uncommoner
Summary: Cameron seeks to understand spirituality. Originally intended as a one-off, it achieved quite good numbers and I intend to incorporate it with an edit and some new material into Before Cameron Met John.


**Closer To God**

**October 1998**

They were finishing up breakfast on Saturday. Cameron looked up at Emily, all seriousness, "I have a favour to ask."

Emily looked up from loading the dishwasher, "Of course, dear."

"I noticed that you two never go to Church."

Emily wondered where this was going, "After the Vietnam war Joe decided he wasn't really a man of God, and I rather thought the same as him."

"Why?"

"It is what war does to even the good people involved in it. Neither of us could quite understand that and relate it to God."

This brought Cameron up really short, and Emily could see her struggling with that thought. They were both silent for some awkward moments. Emily was at a loss to further explain.

Cameron's voice was dark with sorrowful expectation, "What if you need to be forgiven for your sins?".

Cameron was obviously troubled, Emily sat back to the table. "Come on girl, spill. You know old aunt Emily won't mind."

"I have done some bad things, Emily, and I would really like to know what it is to be forgiven. I think the only place I can do that is at a Church."

Emily smiled with encouragement. "Then put on your best summer boater, we're going to church tomorrow morning, okay?"

Cameron looked confused. Emily could see her head doing that little side to side motion that meant she was sorting through her thoughts.

Suddenly she smiled, "Oh, I didn't know Joe had a boat. I thought I'd been round the entire farm. Is there a church on the En Medio river?" She looked really excited.

Emily was disappointed to have to correct her. "Sorry, my dear, no boats, just another car ride. A boater is a summer hat we girls wear. We shall go as girls together!"

Cameron beamed. All her troubles left her and her eyes sparkled with anticipation.

Mozart and Cameron spent the night together, and as always they awoke from standby at exactly the same time. It was Sunday morning and Cameron was already anticipating going to Church. In a sense, she felt she had to know, and she was also really wondering to find out if God could give her absolution from some of the things she had done. She knew she was a soldier and that actions in war were different. Still she felt she needed some release for the time she had been trying to murder John Connor.

Cameron and Emily, as is traditional, told Joe they would be ready for 0930, and of course came out of the door at 1015, right on time. To be fair, the wait was worth it. Emily had rigged up some of Marissa's Sunday clothes and as Cameron's neck wounds had completely healed, she wore a bright summer dress with a straw boater and high heels. She looked like an angel and would no doubt cause a sensation at the church.

Cameron walked to the confessional, and on it being her turn, went confidently through the curtain.

The priest intoned his introduction, "How long has it been since your last confession?"

"I have never confessed before, Father."

"How old are you, my child?"

"That's difficult to answer, Father."

The priest was used to all sorts of children being born in different circumstances here. Documentation was not high on everyone's list, just make your best guess."

"I'm minus 29, Father." Cameron said with complete honesty.

Of course, the priest knew this was some silly game. The girl was an idiot or this was some sort of lunatic prank.

Still, he had his job to do, and he was going to do it. He had another 15 to absolve before he could get through to Mass. He had to get on with it.

"What would you like to confess?"

"Father, in 2027, I attempted to murder John Connor, the leader of the resistance and the hope of mankind against the machines. I had killed several others prior to that, including Allison Young, who provided my pattern, so I could get close to John Connor.

The priest had heard this sort of nonsense before, so he asked, "And how did you kill this Allison Young?"

"I picked her up with my right arm and twisted her skull off the top of her neck, separating the axis bone from the atlas. It is an effective means of terminating humans." Cameron demonstrated the action by reaching out her arm and twisting the wrist.

"How many more have you killed?"

"A few weeks ago I shot a couple of boys through the throat in the streets when they attacked my family. The shots severed their carotid arteries. They bled out in moments."

The priest was sure this girl was as dotty as a fruit bat. No doubt one of these serial confessors the police were always having to deal with. Still, he couldn't knock the idea of having a wonderful looking girl in his church. It might assist the young males to hear the word, and maybe they'd stay. Outreach is the key, they kept telling him at the seminary.

"Have you committed any other major sins?"

There was a long pause.

"No Father."

"My child, say these words with me, " He said the first three words and was about to continue, when he was silenced as the beautifully modulated voice the other side of the confessional curtain enunciated the Latin perfectly.

"Deus meus, ex toto corde paenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum, eaque detestor, quia peccando, non solum poenas a Te iuste statutas promeritus sum,

sed praesertim quia offendi Te summum bonum, ac dignum qui super omnia diligaris. Ideo firmiter propono, adiuvante gratia Tua, de cetero me non peccaturum peccandique occasiones proximas fugiturum. Amen."

The priest was so stunned, he could only recover by to reverting to training and ritual.

"Gloria Patri et filii et spiritui sancto. Sicut erat in principio et nunc et semper et in saecula saeculorum. Amen."

"Father, does this mean all my sins are forgiven?"

"Yes, child. You now walk in peace with God."

His words filled her with a glow she could not understand. For the first time since being given free will by John Connor, she felt at peace. The constant effort of making constant choices in the mystery that is human existence was the single most awkward thing for her to cope with. All the restless unnecessary activity of her chip ceased. She went out into the body of the Church to find Emily and Joe and she felt very at home in this house of God.

After the service was twenty minutes in, Emily looked across at Cameron's lovely young face. All the stress she could occasionally see behind her eyes was gone. She was completely rapt. Her eyes were shining and she sang along, note perfect to every hymn.

During one there was a beautiful descant. Joe looked around in surprise when he heard it. He could see others glancing around to see where the soaring soprano was coming from. He looked toward Cameron only to see and hear it was her voice, rising to the spires.

In his heart he knew Cameron was reaching out, singing directly to God.

When the priest told the story of Jesus on the cross and his eventual death, her head was bowed. Then with the story of the resurrection, she looked up again, eyes wet with tears. His mind was utterly confused. Here was a lesson that humanity had been trying to learn for two thousand years and more. This girl, this cyborg seemed to understand it with her very being.

Then the priest invited those who were in a state of grace to come and take the host, the body and blood of Christ. Cameron looked at Emily, the question written on her face. She was clearly too nervous to go on her own, but obviously wanted to. Emily took her hand and led the girl to the altar.

Nowadays, so many people took the host into their hands. Some modern fear of touch or infection. Cameron was having none of that, she wanted it placed directly upon her tongue. The priest obliged and she tasted the unleavened bread wafer, and it was nothing but a thin soft cracker of wheat flour baked. It disappeared in moments. The significance upon Cameron was incalculable. As the host melted on her tongue, Cameron was enveloped by a calm and a peace her existence had never known. She felt her fear of Skynet leave her.

Emily took her back to their seats and could feel the girl shaking.

How could this be, Emily wondered? She knew what the girl was, but she was acting like one transformed by the love of God. She had no idea what to think. No doubt this story would play itself out when it chose.

On the way home, Cameron was her usual quiet self, but both could tell she was radiant. Emily turned leaned across and said, "Well, what did you think, Cameron?"

"When I first got here. I was angry, because the machine that sent me, brought me to a different place than that we had planned." She left out the information about it having been a year too early. She wasn't ready to tell that just yet.

She laughed, delightedly. "Now I see that all things have a purpose. I have learned so much. I have met Mozart and you two, in whom I delight. I love working in the fields. Going to Church today was wonderful. I believe I am closer to God. Thank you so much for this gift and everything you have done for me."

Joe sat back in the passenger seat, and glanced across to Emily as a look of understanding passed between them. They both knew they loved this cyborg girl.


End file.
